Sunday, July Twenty-Third, Two Thousand Seventeen

I’ve been neglecting this. I’ve been neglecting many things. When I think about it, I start to ask myself some rather negative questions. Questions like: Can I just not do anything right? Can’t I make new habits? Why am I so bad at this? Why so much failure?

It’s way simpler than that. Before I keep going, no, I don’t think this is going to be a super sad post about woe is me. I’m a “flowing train of thought” typer though, so I guess we will see, won’t we? 🙂 Anyways, it’s not about failure. It’s about difficulty. If it is difficult, I don’t want to try. Wow, that was simple. Huh… Shame that fixing it isn’t that simple. I see so many things in my life that aren’t easy, and some of them I have to do while others, others I can choose. This means when something is difficult, I make a choice, whether conscious or not, to either do or not do this thing in question.

If that’s the case, I just have to make sure all of those choices are conscious choices. Things I don’t normally think about or focus on must now become a much higher priority. I have spent much of my life making excuses, and not nearly enough making amends. That all changes right… well, actually… it changes tomorrow. It’s after eleven at night, and I am about to go to sleep because I have work tomorrow, so, that changes TOMORROW! HAH! See? I might be putting it off, but it’s for good reason. A good nights rest can make all the difference.

See you folks on the other side! (Of the meridian)


Fleeting Moments

There are moments that come around in your life, and as you experience them and even in the immediate aftermath of them, you feel as though they are significant, life changing, possibly even revolutionary, depending on the scenario. I know myself fairly well. I know what I will and won’t do, which is why directly following one of these moments I thought to myself, “Please let this one matter more than the others” because, I know me. I know how easy it is for me to shove aside those determinations when it becomes difficult. When I don’t like how it feels, or how it affects me and my time. I know my own responses to adversity, and I usually don’t like them. It’s a sad moment when you realize you are so good at letting yourself down you immediately think of the failure, rather than of the success, and simply hope you are wrong. I don’t want to be right, not in this case. I want… Well, that’s a good question, isn’t it?
What DO I want?
Do I even know?